The Sacred Cowtipper    |     home
Rob Bell Says Hell is a Metaphor Live on Good Morning America   |   Scariest Path in the World, The   |   What is True Repentance and True Revival?   |   You Can't Preach the Gospel if You are Poor   |   Does the Bible Really Teach that the Earth is Flat   |   Knitting a Sweater and the Big Bang   |   Visitation of Christ, The (A Christmas Issue)   |   Discussion with an Agnostic   |   Is Glenn Beck a Christian Now?   |   Satan's Non-Stop Attack   |   Don't Be a Fool; Jump in the Pool   |   Crimson Tide   |   Are You a Cow Tipper?   |   Born Again and Again and Again   |   Is the ESV Bible Translation a Good One? You Decide!   |   Heavens Declare His Glory, The - How Big is Our Universe?
Are You a Cow Tipper?
(August 27th, 2010; Robert Marino)

Hi, my name is Darrell and I am eighteen years old. I live in a small town; somewhat like Mayberry. You know, the whole Andy Griffith, Opie, and Aunt Bee thing. Let's not forget about Otis and Barney Fife too. Anyhow, it's a Friday night and a few of my friends called me up to see if I wanted to go cow-tipping. While the other people were at the local high school football game, we decided to go create some mischief. We knew farmer Bob would be at the football game because his son Jimmy was the quarterback of Doohickey High. Farmer Bob has what we call `tippin' cows and me and my buddies have "tippin' cow syndrome". Actually, Farmer Bob is the only livestock farmer in town and the only one to have cows.

It was about 9:00pm and the game was going to end soon so my buddies Mike and Mark met me out at Farmer Bob's farm just outside the south-side fence. We had about half an hour to do our thing. It was time - time for boys to become men and for cows to say “what the; what just knocked me over man”?  Yeah, we are going to be a bunch of imbeciles but someone has to do it. As we say in the ole country, “If there is a cow, it needs tipped.”  Well, the cows looked so peaceful out there just minding their own business and getting some Z's while standing on all fours. We decided to let Mike go first since he was well known for his country-boy antics especially when he did that go-kart stunt back in 1984 at Lakeview High School. Well, that's another story. I can still see principal Roger's face - fuming with smoke ascending out of his ears and his countenance beat red with indignation.

There he goes. Mike just jumped the fence. Running full speed like an NFL safety blitzing the quarterback, he made it 50-yards out into the field when he made unadulterated contact with cow #1 transferring his kinetic energy into the cow and dropping the leathery mammoth down like an unsuspecting child. The cow woke up shaking its head as if in a drunken stupor as Mike made his way hurriedly back over the fence laughing. You talk about rolling on the ground laughing. There is one for you text-messagers - Rolling on the Ground Laughing (ROTGL). Now it was Mark's turn.

Mark jumped the fence and headed toward unsuspecting cow #2. Mark was running feverous fury and so fast that he slipped on a cow patty half way there and laid there for a minute recouping. Mike and I weren't sure if he was hurt or not. Mark's bulbous head suddenly popped back up. He was 25 feet from `Cowie'. He was going to have to sprint to get enough momentum now to have a chance at pummeling the poor creature to the ground. There he goes. Wham!, Kapow!, and cow #2 down. That cow was ticked. She let out a big moo and got back up on her feet. That poor cow is going to be paranoid the rest of its life now when it gets dark out. Mark made it back and over the fence with a little souvenir under his shoe. Now it was my turn - Darrell, “Cow-Kapow” Shoemaker. We were all laughing so hard by now that it was hurting.

I had the guys give me a NASA countdown to get me into launch mode. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and take off. There I went. I was hoofing it (pun intended). I had just about reached my pinnacle speed when cow #3 woke up and turned 90-degrees. Kabam! I barely budged the beast as I got a very close visual of the behemoth's hind-quarters, smelled her cow-patty residue and may have even got a little present to take back with me. That was no little dogie. I could hear Little Joe and Hoss Cartright laughing on the other side of the fence as I was now being chased around the frontier. Bessie, as I call her today, turned around and started to chase me around the field and I was dodging sleeping cows like going through the pylons while taking a driver's ed test. One by one they started to wake up and the moos began. The wolf was among the flock - that would be me. I jetted back toward the south-side fence where Mike and Mark where waiting. I made it over the fence with Bessie abruptly stopping and letting out a snort or two. The guys were dying laughing by now. What a spectacle I must have looked like? If that wasn't a demonstration of youthful foolhardiness I don't know what is.

Now it is time for a confession. I never cow-tipped in my life and I don't even know if they are sleeping when people actually do this dastardly deed nor if they sleep while they are standing. I have even joined PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals. I like cows. They give us milk, cheeses, steaks, hamburgers and other delicious delicacies. If I owned a cow, I would have a hard time to have it butchered. It would be more like a pet to me. Anyhow, I thought I would do some creative writing just to get your juices flowing and grab a hold of your ear because now I want to talk about real cow tipping. Yes, cow tipping of another kind. I am talking about sacred cow tipping.

In other words, it can be summed up in these four letters - WDJS.

What
Did
Jesus
Say?

Jesus, the Ultimate Sacred Cow Tipper
Jesus spent quite a bit of His ministry rebuking the leaders because they just didn't get it. Their hearts weren't right and their doctrine was out there on the lunatic fringe. We are once again dealing with leaders who just aren't getting it more than ever in America - the land of the fees and the home of the slaves.

If we were to read the words of Jesus every Sunday in church and not put a weird interpretation upon it but just read what it plainly says, we would have got on our faces a long time ago. The problem is we like to follow the pattern of Israel in the book of Judges. There God would deliver them and they would have a few decades of peace and then they would start to worship idols and live unholy lives and then God would pour out His wrath upon them by pulling His arm of protection away from them and allowing their enemies to bring destruction upon them. Then they would repent when they came to their senses. If our only reason for repenting is because we don't want our lives to lose its comfortable status, we don't know what repentance really is yet and we sure don't know how to love God.

I am convinced that if Jesus came incognito into most of our churches today, almost everyone sitting in their pews and those standing in the pulpit would not recognize Him and would literally cast Him out of the church if He was allowed to speak. You know that is true. They cast Him out of the church in Laodicea. Why was He outside? Why wasn't He already inside?

Rev 3:14  And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God;
Rev 3:15  I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
Rev 3:16  So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
Rev 3:17  Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:
Rev 3:18  I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see.
Rev 3:19  As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
Rev 3:20  Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
Rev 3:21  To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.
Rev 3:22  He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.

I need not say more. Very few of His words are spoken today so that tells me that most really don't like what Jesus said to His followers.

Joh 16:32  Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.

Jesus was there for us. Isn't it time that we be there for Him? There really is no such thing as radical Christianity. Many think my buddies and I are “radical” Christians. No we are not. We are just trying to live this life out the way a Christian should already be living it and what God expects of us. There is nothing radical about that. The more accurate term would be that we are “obedient” Christians or "trying to be obedient" Christians.

I encourage you to do the same and to quit playing church and making excuses.

A sacred cowtipper is one that knocks down what was held "sacred" for a long time because the truth that once was is no longer projected as truth. A Sacred Cowtipper tears down traditions of men, false doctrines, half-truths, false science, and outright lies. He is one that tears down the altars on the high places and executes the prophets of Baal. He is a reformer; he is one whose voice is crying in the wilderness and is preparing the way of the Lord for His second coming. In a nutshell, he is one that loves Jesus so much that he would never want to project falsehood and bring shame upon His name.


Are YOU a Sacred Cowtipper?

Preachers, Teachers, Leaders, and Elders,
Preach God's Word boldly. Be the man of God that God made you to be. Don't give half-truths. Jesus didn't do it. Leave a legacy that you can be proud of when you die. Don't think us ministers won't be judged for what we taught. Read James 3:1. That verse scares the dickens out of me when I go to teach, preach, or write. That's why I try to keep things simple and repeat the Lord's words. You can't go wrong there. Who cares about “How I Can Become a Better Me”, “Seven Steps to Financial Prosperity” or "Your Time". Do you really think that is going to matter in eternity? If you don't give it away you still don't understand our mission. Worse yet, we are teaching people to give to get. Do we forget this verse -

Mar 4:19  And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.

Jesus says a lot about those who are unfruitful. And it is real bad. Look up the verses yourself if you care about your soul.

Many in sheep are going into the world, getting into New Age and Eastern Mystic practices, and on their way to Hell. You need to be more concerned about God's flock and to make sure you are keeping the wolf out of the pen, and feeding your flock meat. Do you even know what “meat” is? It's about dying to one's self and letting Christ live through you. Almost every single Christian I know, that is if they are truly saved, is living totally for self and can care less about the lost.  Please show me in scripture where we are to live for self and go after the experiential over the Word of Almighty God. The Word of God IS our final authority. I exhort you to repent, get that zeal back you hopefully once had, seek God's face, and preach and preach hard. We don't have a lot of time left. We are in the final days. And if you don't think we are in the last days, you are not very smart or haven't been reading the Word of God.

Do you know why so may have got into the social gospel? They should have already been feeding the poor, and showing compassion to the downtrodden. The only problem is now we have a bunch of people that put more emphasis on that than preaching the Word of God that men's souls might be saved; the poor and downtrodden need to hear the gospel too.

I can't believe how many people got on the whole Purpose-Driven bandwagon. I guess if people aren't willing to do what the Word of God already says, you will need an "artificial substitute arm of the flesh" to take its place. I've seen many bandwagons come and go in the Body of Christ in my some 28 years of being a Christian. I don't get on bandwagons. You know what happens? At some point the band quits playing and you got a bunch of people sitting on the wagon looking at each other saying, “WHERE IS THE FRUIT THAT REMAINS?” Leave a godly legacy brother and sister. You are bold as a lion according to the Word of God. You already have power and there is an unlimited supply when you go to praying. The Word of God will back you with signs confirming the Word if you are truly preaching the Word of God and living a holy life. I like what Paul Washer says. By the way, I think this man got Keith Green's mantle when Keith died. Paul said, “Those emergent church pastors are a bunch of little boys playing church because they don't have the power of God on their lives.” Ouch. I was there too at one time. We all need to repent.

Do you want to see God's flock get off their hindquarters and get going about God's business? Become a cowtipper?

Christian Young man,
Don't waste your time with some woman that isn't sold out to God. She will drag you down. If you already have, repent and let the blood of Christ wash away all of your sins. You deserve better than that. You can't put God second, third or fourth place in your life and expect to be blessed in this life.

And don't waste all of that energy you have right now on video games, sports, and doing all of those things that will eat all of your time. Ouch. I did that. I'm talking from experience. I hardly ever teach something I haven't already experienced. Knowledge puffs up but when one takes the knowledge and understanding that God gives them, should they seek it, and they become a doer of the word, it now becomes wisdom. There is no wisdom in a person if they haven't DONE.

One day, you will look back on your life should Jesus tarry and say, “I wish I would have served the Lord while I was young when I had all kinds of energy and zeal; why did I waste so much time with non-eternal things?” I know. I say those things to myself all most every day. Thank God for the blood and I am forgiven but I wish I could get that time back. I may be 43 now but I still have two legs and two feet to go, I still have two arms and two hands to give and to hug and to write, I still have a mouth that can preach and teach and intercede, and I still have a heart that I can give to my Lord. How about you? Are you a deaf, mute spiritual quadriplegic? Everyone has something to give. Don't waste your time on the non-eternal. Trust me on that. You have so much to give. God made an investment into your life. What are you going to do with it?

Do you want to change the world and see people come to repentance? Become a cow tipper!

Christian Young Lady,
Don't waste your time with some man that isn't sold out to God. He will drag you down. If you already have, repent and let the blood of Christ wash away all of your sins. You deserve better than that. You can't put God second, third or fourth place in your life and expect to be blessed in this life.

Learn the Word of God and teach the younger ones how to live their life for Jesus. If you have time to text all day, you have plenty of time to share your faith with someone. Go to an old folks home and love on some old people that have very few visitors. Do something. Remember it is God's kingdom - not yours.

Do you want to see the glory of God on your life and know Him like you could never know anyone else? Become a cow tipper!

Christian Adult Person,
Don't get your panties in an uproar (means I'm entitled to my opinion) when your pastor says some things in the pulpit that step on your toes. Instead, thank God that you have a pastor that cares enough about your soul that he willingly risks losing some of his flock because he is faithful to the Word of God and speaking truth. While you are at it, go to him and thank him for being a good pastor and encourage him to not hold back the oracles of God for it is good for your soul. What are you doing with your life?

Many of you are retired and got all kinds of time. Do you spend all of your time golfing or on the tennis courts? Do you spend it watching TV or going to sporting events? Or going next door to your neighbor and gossiping about Bob who needs to pipe it down some? There are soup kitchens, rescue missions, and other ministries that need volunteers. There is a neighbor, co-worker, or client out there that just lost a loved one that you can bake a pie for and offer to mow their lawn if they are too busy with the unexpected things they must do. Some youth are out there grieving inside and suicidal that need loved on or taught the right way since they may have no father figure. The Christian life is about being spent for the sake of the gospel but most do little or nothing. Popping an offering in the plate on Sundays is a joke if God doesn't have your heart the rest of the week. I encourage you to kneel down right now and search your heart to see if you really are in the faith and to make sure you haven't been following another Jesus. If so, repent and thank God for the blood of Christ. Start living for Him. It is never too late. The biggest sin in the church today isn't smoking a cigarette or having an occasional drink, it is the sin of omission. Do you want to be purpose driven? Let me save you a lot of time reading a lot of books. Here is purpose. Read this book - the Bible and obey it.

Mar 16:15  And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
Mar 16:16  He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.
Mar 16:17  And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
Mar 16:18  They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

Sins of omission? Let's see what Jesus said. Remember the WDJS (What Did Jesus Say?)?

Let's see how you stack up to the Word of God -
Mar 3:35  For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.

Are you sure you are Christ's brother, sister, mother? Are you in the family of God?

Joh 14:15  If ye love me, keep my commandments.

Do you love Him? What was His last command? It's right above in Mark 16:15-18

Joh 14:23  Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.

Are you abiding in the vine (Jesus)? If so, you will bare much fruit.

Do you want to leave a legacy before you die? Become a cow tipper!

Why is the Apostasy happening?

2Th 2:3  Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away (apostasia) first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;

You can't fall away if you didn't first fall toward. See, there is a lot of apostasy going on right now in the church in America. We were told that in the last days this would happen so it shouldn't shock us. It does shock me though. When you have 20 million leave true orthodox Christianity in under 5 years to go to the Emergent Church Movement and this doesn't even count all those that have compromised by involving themselves in the Seeker-Friendly, Emerging Church, and Purpose-Driven Movements, much less all of the blatant sinning like fornication and adultery and people living together within the churches with the pastors not saying a word edgewise as if they don't care for their souls but just their money. So go the leaders, so go the flocks. I don't even want to get into the whole Universalism thing right now that many leaders are succumbing to.

We as ministers and ministers of the gospel must start taking these things seriously. It's not about OUR kingdom, and OUR church, and OUR flock, and OUR will be done. I have to hold back the puke when I hear someone say “MY” church. They still haven't seen the fact that they are mere under-shepherds to the Great Shepherd (Christ). They still haven't seen that Jesus is the HEAD of the church and we are merely the Body.

Mike (cow tipper go-kart man) and I went to Unity Fest in New Castle, PA last Sunday (August 22nd) from 12:00pm till about 5:00pm. Unity Fest was put on by a number of churches around the Youngstown, Ohio to Western PA region. It was an outreach to the community. One of the pastors had asked for the cross to be carried around Cascade Park where the Festival was being held. We were carrying our big wooden cross, handing out hundreds of tracts and preaching the gospel and encouraging the saints.

At one point, we talked to this dear Presbyterian couple. The wife told us “it was such a great thing we were doing carrying that cross around” as if we were something great. Maybe to some people we are but the day I do anything for God with that being my ulterior motive, it is time to hit my knees hard on the floor and pray that the Lord purges all of the pride out of me. Exalting Jesus should be the norm though and it should be a daily thing. I know she was just being nice and most likely trying to encourage us. What did the most famous sacred cow tipper of all times say?

Here, the apostles had already been casting out devils and healing the sick and yet they seemed to be more interested in having even more faith. Were they on a power trip? Hmmm.

Luk 17:5  And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith.
Luk 17:6  And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.
Luk 17:7  But which of you, having a servant plowing or feeding cattle, will say unto him by and by, when he is come from the field, Go and sit down to meat?
Luk 17:8  And will not rather say unto him, Make ready wherewith I may sup, and gird thyself, and serve me, till I have eaten and drunken; and afterward thou shalt eat and drink?
Luk 17:9  Doth he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I trow not.
Luk 17:10  So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.

Jesus' whole point here was "boys you don't need a bunch more faith; you gots plenty of it; just be content that I am willing to use you and that your needs are met; just be faithful to what is your duty".

Mike and I were just doing what our duty was. We are unprofitable servants. God is not our cosmic servant; we are His earthly servants. It's not about us people. There are too many agendas in the Body of Christ and there is a competitive spirit also among many of the leaders.

Aren't the lost souls of men and women enough to get some of you to your knees, and to open your mouths, and to go and share? We are more concerned and compassioned with helping people who are hurricane victims get into a new home but we ignore the state of their souls. The average person is never going to step foot into a church to hear the gospel. Those days are over Church. So what do we do? We have our gimmicks. Why not obey Christ and go to where the sinners really are? If you can't go due to some physical defect, would you be so kind to intercede for us that are trying to be obedient? Will you intercede for the souls that we will be talking to and that God would set up divine appointments for us? I'm 43 and I am tired. To be honest, I don't feel like ministering anymore. I wore my body out by the time I was about 30 years old because I ran from the call of God on my life and did a lot of physically back-breaking jobs 6 days a week, 10 to 14 hours a day and in crank mode for many years. It doesn't pay to run my friends. Ask Jonah. But I must do something; we must do something; we must reach as many as we can while we are still here. Our life is just a vapor like the dissipating fog you see in the morning lift off your lawn. It's here one minute and gone the next. Why do we settle for the here and now?

Please church. I am begging you. Run the race that is set before you. Get off the sidelines and get in the game. And don't do it FOR the reward that one will receive when they get to Heaven or so that you can rule and reign with Christ in the Millennium because you were faithful. Be that unprofitable servant that doesn't deserve anything. Be content with that and just be obedient. And then we will see what God can do with this sleeping giant we call the Church.

A few Sacred CowTippers whose ministries are still producing fruit today:

David Wilkerson (still alive): started teen challenge years ago and many, many drug and alcohol addicts' lives were changed and have become ministers of the gospel.

Keith Green: possibly the most anointed musician of all times and one of the most anointed teachers - maybe more anointed than even King David. Keith's ministry still lives on 30 years after the airplane went down and his life was cut prematurely. He was not a very old Christian as far as years are concerned (I think he was a Christian for about 8 years) yet his teaching and music have compelled people to obey God and live a repentant life. I still can't listen to his music continuously because it is so convicting and hits home. The tears just well up in me. I would have to say that Keith is not only a cow tipper, but also a dog tipper, cat tipper, bird tipper, and dino tipper.

Spurgeon, Finney, Tozer, Ravenhill, Whitfield, A.W. Pink, the Wesleys, the Booths (just to name a few): There is just too much to say here. Their ministries are not only still producing fruit but fruit that remains. You notice I didn't say so and so, and so and so, and so and so- I'm not going to go there. Those people are in for a rude awakening on judgment day for giving another gospel.

Paul Washer: he speaks the truth and doesn't care what men think because he knows who he will have to answer to some day. Possibly (?) the most anointed man in America today.

Mark Cahill: possibly the most on-fire for God person in America today. He quit teaching to promote the gospel when he went into the bathroom one day at the school he taught at and found a young man who shot himself to death lying there on the floor. He asked himself, “What are you doing with your life?”

Rush Limbaugh: conservative cow tipper. Most likely not a true Christian but someone that did something with their life when the odds were against him and now has 30 million listeners. He probably speaks more truth than most ministers today - sad but true.

Still Waking Up Myself,
Your Sacred CowTipper and Flying Spaghetti Monster (Bob)



Disclaimer: The Sacred Cowtipper, and Mission Field America and its columnists do not necessarily endorse or agree with every opinion expressed in every article posted on this site. We do, however, encourage a healthy and friendly debate on the issues of our day. Whether you agree or disagree with a particular article, we encourage you to post your feedback by using the feedback button. Thank You.