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An Agnostic's Struggle with the Concept of There Being a God

From Agnostic:
I almost don't know what to say about the message you sent me. I can't come out and say something intelligent because I don't really know a whole lot about evolution, only the basics I'm afraid. I do know though that i have never felt in my heart that a higher power exsists, not the christian god or any of them for that matter. I used to pray for faith and would try and talk to god and I never even felt the faintest whisper of anything. I look at the world and find it hard to beleive that this is the work of a higher power that loves us and keeps a close eye on things but I have tried.

You seem so friendly and ready to listen to atheists with an open mind and a big heart. I haven't detected anything rude about you nor do I beleive you think you are better than anyone else so I hope we can become friends.

Thanks for the kind reply. I try to not belittle anyone. I'm sure but I may have at times if I was belittled and cussed at by which is common with at least half of the evolutionists or atheists that I have talked with. I really hope that I don't come off as one that thinks he is better than anybody else. I really don't think too highly of myself. Sometimes it may come off that way but I don't intentionally mean to come off that way. My wife told me that with all the knowledge I have on so many different subjects (not just evolution and creation) that I sometimes come off that way. I just am a real talker and love teaching on things the average person may not even think about or give much credence to if they haven't looked into things very far. One young woman once called me Google. Wow! You talk about a compliment but you know what - the more I learn, the more stupid or ignorant I realize that I am. I don't mean to come off as a know it all or that I am better than anyone else so if I ever come off that way to you, just slap me upside my head, call me George and realize that I may just be having a bad day and need some chocolate. LOL.

I would have to say that because I was raised in a church that believed in God, I never gave thought to the contrary. I would say although I have experienced the supernatural realm both on the demonic side (an entity that tried to possess me) and the God/angelic side, that it is very easy for me to believe in things outside of this realm and I realize how little mankind really does know.

For about seven years, I was hit with all kinds of doubts like you may be having and agnosticism was trying to set in on my core beliefs. I would say you are an agnostic more than an atheist. I am no better than anyone else. I know the kind of thoughts that people get who have learned anything about evolution. I am a very analytical person but at the same time I didn't throw out my common sense when studying these things. To be honest with you, I was afraid to study any evolutionary theory because I thought it would hurt my faith. One must ask, “If evolution were true, than how in the world can the Bible be true?” They are contrary to one another. Although one is a supernatural book that gives good reason, and logic for our origins, evolutionary theory seems plausible too IF AND ONLY IF one doesn't look into ALL that they teach, the many lies that have been taught and some that are still taught as truth, and the things like “whale evolution” that really makes me want to laugh. Is this what they call proof? Both creation and evolution require faith although evolution requires a million times more faith to believe. Everyone has faith when you think about it. No common sense or reasoning seems to go along with most of the evolutionary theory - just pure imagination and yes, animation on the Discovery Channel. When it came down to just looking at things and how complex things really are, the mathematical probably that evolution took place is literally impossible.

My seven-year struggle with my original beliefs in a Creator and a God were so challenged but now my faith in God is stronger than ever. The creation side seems to have plausible, reasonable answers to everything if one would check them out so check out all those videos on There are debates on there too between evolutionists and creationists. You will notice that in every single debate that a creationist goes up against an evolutionist, the evolutionist always resorts to MICRO evolution by which I wouldn't call it evolution because all the information in the DNA was already there and it was just change within its own species. Then the evolutionist tries to say because MICRO is true that MACRO is true but they are two totally different things if one checks them out. I have a really good article on the different stages of evolution that one has to buy into if they are to be a true evolutionist.

The problem with most, but probably not all, atheists or evolutionists is that if they can't have ALL of their questions answered, they ignore the simple yet many facts that do prove things. A good example of this is the worldwide flood called Noah's flood that the Bible teaches us and there is evidence all over the world for it. There are somewhere between 275 to 300-plus flood legends around the world that depict a worldwide flood. Nobody asks the obvious, “Why is that?” Or maybe there really was a worldwide flood.
One Example: The evolutionists will say that Grand Canyon took millions of years to form and was carved out by the Colorado River. To believe this, one must leave TRUE science and ignore a law of physics called gravity. The Colorado River sits about one mile below the top of the canyon. Don't tell the students that one. My common sense tells me that it would have had to flow upward against gravity to carve out the canyon. Evolutionists ignore the beach remains above in Utah where a huge lake once existed. My common sense tells me that it makes more sense to believe that this huge lake's dam collapsed because of a worldwide flood and gushed that canyon out in a few days to a few weeks. They also don't tell students “Where did all that mud and rock go that use to be there?” Did the Colorado River push it out into nonexistence? Of course, that would make their students doubt their theory and maybe believe the Bible story of the flood. The only plausible logic to that question is that the catastrophe was so great from the flood that it pushed all the rock, mud, and sediments way out into the ocean and it got scattered everywhere through the currents in the ocean. There are so many examples like this that they purposely ignore and won't teach on because it just makes the theory look stupid. So what do they do? They down and name call (call creationists stupid) and make fun of creationist websites that give very good answers to every man's questions.

When you say, you never felt that a higher power exists, are you saying even in your childhood? Most children even up to the ages of 4 to 8 still believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. If you think about it, that is even believing in a higher power. A man that lives at the North Pole that wears a red suit and can deliver toys all over the Earth in one night not to mention make all of the toys in less than a year with out the help of modern machinery. A Tooth Fairy that has supernatural knowledge about when every little boy and girl loses a tooth, and she then magically appears in the middle of the night, steals your tooth (and mind you - without waking you up), and replaces it with some cold hard cash.

When I read what you said about you talking to God, it broke my heart that you think God didn't hear you. He's listening. You were exercising faith when you talked to Him. You do have faith. I encourage you to look into things deeper and ask God to reveal Himself to you.

You might have been expecting a voice to speak out of nowhere. I don't know. I think that is very rare that God will do that. He speaks to our hearts. The problem is that our hearts are so cluttered with the things of this life and our thoughts are far from Him that we CAN'T hear Him. It's not that He isn't speaking. Philosophies, or should I say Falsopholies (philosophical lies) cloud things up even more.

When we sin against God, we have to go against our conscience and we sear our conscience like with a hot iron and it gets harder and harder to hear God. We were all given a conscience from God and we all deep down know what is right and what is wrong but when mankind chooses to sin against Him, we push Him away. He doesn't push us away. He hates our sin and the sin separates us from fellowship with Him.

You said: I look at the world and find it hard to beleive that this is the work of a higher power that loves us and keeps a close eye on things but I have tried.

I would see things exactly how you see things too if I hadn't come to know God. Unfortunately, many Christians”?” have preached another gospel and another Jesus - especially in this country. They tell people about the love of God of which is very true because He created man because He wanted to have fellowship with him. The parts of God that many are ashamed to talk about are the reason why so many see things the way you mentioned above. They don't like to tell people about how HOLY and PURE God is and how much He hates sin and if He is a just judge He must also punish sin or He Himself becomes a corrupt judge. He doesn't hate man but He hates sin and sin cannot be in His presence. This is why Satan was cast out of Heaven. God's holiness is every bit as much a part of Him as His love. Here is a very good gospel presentation that I hope you enjoy and can see things more clearly. I think it may be the best one I have seen to date on the internet.

In a nutshell, this is what the Bible teaches us (that includes you).

God created man because He desired a being similar to Himself that He could fellowship with. This does not in any way mean that man is a god or will someday become a god. We are talking about that man is a spirit being made in the image of God and that we all will live forever when we die.
God gave dominion to Adam over the whole Earth.
We are not sure when Satan was cast out of Heaven but we know he already chose to come against His Creator because we find him in the garden of Eden.
Man was tested. Eve believed the lie Satan told her instead of the truth God gave both to her and Adam and Adam along with Eve partook of the tree of knowledge of good and evil and then they died spiritually that day and their sin separated them from God and fellowship with God. They didn't die physically that die but would die physically some day because "death" had entered the picture through Adam's rebellion. Since God gave dominion to Adam, Adam was the one accountable and when Adam sinned, he brought sin and death upon the whole human race and also on the creation.
When Adam sinned against God, he gave up his God-given dominion over the Earth and Satan has been taking advantage of men all over the Earth ever since. The Bible calls Satan the prince of the power of the air. Sin has now entered the Earth along with a curse and death because of what man did when he followed Satan.
Mankind would now inherit what is called the sin nature from Adam and Eve. We would all now be spiritually born with this nature and prone to sin automatically. God does not hold us accountable to that until we reach an age (some call it the `age of accountability') where we really understand what is right and what is wrong and we choose to do wrong still. Mankind chooses to sin against his neighbor and hurt and kill and rape and do wickedly. If God was to force mankind to be nice to one another and to love Him back, He might as well just created robots instead but He gave us free will to choose the path we would take. God is a just judge and will punish evildoers on that day, the Day of Judgment. He will in accordance with His timetable though. The thing is every single one of us have broken many of His commandments. We have all told lies, cheated, stole things, dishonored our parents, coveted other people's things, made fun of other people, had premarital sex, committed adultery and idolatry and many other things. We are all guilty of some of these things and not one sin can enter the presence of God. This is where God's love comes in. He was willing to sacrifice His own Son on the cross (Isaiah chapter 53) for us to make a bridge for men to come back to Him and have fellowship with Him again. Most men have rejected this and created many religions and cults that are throughout the world today to try to ease their consciences but what they innerrantly do is they are creating a god that doesn't exist. They think they can somehow earn their way into Heaven. Here is what Jesus did for you on the cross so that you can KNOW God and fellowship with Him. This Isaiah prophecy was given about 700 years before Christ Jesus was crucified and 300 years before the Romans ever thought of hanging someone on the cross. Hmmmm. Is the Bible a supernatural book? I think so. This is just one prophecy of many hundreds that have come to pass just as written. Jesus did this for you Larra because He loves you. But if you notice while reading this section of scripture that Jesus went through some nasty stuff BECAUSE God the Father also hates sin so much. Jesus loved mankind enough to go through this for us so that man could be redeemed (bought back and brought back) to the Father. But man does have choice to accept it or reject it.

Isa 53:1  Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?  (Some atheists have told me that “Why is God hiding if He is real. Why hasn't he revealed Himself to us?” He not only revealed Himself through the creation but also through Christ Jesus and what Jesus did for us. They reject what is plainly before their eyes.)
Isa 53:2  For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
Isa 53:3  He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Isa 53:4  Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
Isa 53:5  But he was wounded for our transgressions (sins), he was bruised for our iniquities (lawlessness): the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
Isa 53:6  All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. (The Father's wrath was poured out on His Son here for us.)
Isa 53:7  He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
Isa 53:8  He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.
Isa 53:9  And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
Isa 53:10  Yet it pleased the LORD (Father God) to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
Isa 53:11  He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.
Isa 53:12  Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

I encourage you to investigate these things and ask God to reveal Himself to you. I along with others will pray for you.  So why did I just spend over three hours writing back to you about these things? Because the love of God is in my heart because of what He did for me, and it is my sincere desire that all men and women everywhere would be saved and come to know my Heavenly Father. Feel free to write back and I hope you see my heart on these issues. He loves you and so do I.

God Bless You,